The Elephant In The Room

Let It Out

Last month was a very special month so to keep up the awareness I would like to acknowledge the elephant in the room. Let’s talk mental health…

Let’s be honest… truth runs deeper than a lie.

So let’s just lay it all out. I have kept no secrets that I am bipolar and I have depression and ADHD. It is so hard at times to deal with this emotional and physical roller coaster but you know what I have discovered… mercy is waiting on the other side… if I am honest.  I truly feel that I was given this gift to be transparent and to tell my story. Too often we are hushed like it’s a bad thing. Why?? Why should I hurt in silence when I can voice it?? Since I have been diagnosed I have found that mental issues are so prevalent around me and it isn’t something we should be ashamed of. We aren’t doing anyone any favors by keeping it silent and in the shadows.

When you are up you are up… a manic episode where I feel uber happy and energetic, racing thoughts, super creative, super jittery, super talkative, energy like I can run a marathon. I am the life of the party and the kids think I am really fun. Man, those racing thoughts are allowing me to plow through this write up like I am a racing to the finish line. Listening to music makes me want to dance, the sounds just feel good, I feel every beat, feel every word… heck the inspiration to this write up came from a song by Francesca Battistelli – If We’re Honest

I am listening to the music right now and I don’t think my fingers can type as fast as my mind is moving. It is seriously a surreal feeling. It feels like an awesome high to be honest; one that I don’t want to come down from. But the truth is, I will… I will come down from it and it will be hard. The reality of bipolar depression is that it is a literal emotional and physical roller coaster. Sometime soon (tomorrow or in a few days) my body and mind will switch and I will be in a really depressed state. It will be hard to wake up in the morning, hard to parent, hard to drive, hard to get off the couch, hard to think, hard to move really. It is a physical weight on your heart and on your mind and you have absolutely no reason to explain it away. I become Eeyore and it is a hard reality for me to deal with.   I have been asked if I am “sad” but I don’t think I can describe it like that. I don’t think I can describe it as anything but “sigh and a head drop.” You just don’t feel like doing anything, you are tired all the time, it’s hard to process anything because you are in a fog, your body feels weighted, your words don’t seem to come out right, you are easily agitated, none of the normal fun stimuli seems to work and you just want to be left alone but you don’t want to be alone. So you try and figure that one out! It’s confusing and hard and dark and blah and lonely. It’s tearful for no reason, tired with plenty of rest, hard with out an excuse, smiling through the pain, it’s having questions that race in your head, it’s numb, it’s immobilizing, it’s hard and it’s often. That is the truth to it all. That is what so many people and I deal with in silence. So now you know. Share this post, tag your friends, talk about it so mental illness is no longer so stigmatized in our culture. Encourage people, be a real listener, be there, use your words wisely, have hope… always have hope and understand that this is real and it is hard and for some it is their whole reality. No one should suffer in silence, no one should feel alone in this. Everyone has a story to tell… and this is mine.

Also check out this other song by Francesca Battistelli that hits close to home.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYpBgJHmGmw

 Thanks for reading… Cheers… Kat

 

Be Kind

pineapple-be-kind

The pineapple symbolizes hospitality, friendship, generosity and graciousness.

We could all use a little more kindness in our lives. The world could use a little more kindness. Our hearts could use a little more kindness.

I have hope for this world and I have love for my fellow human and I have faith for our hearts to soften in this time of turmoil.

Dear world, above all else, be kind.

……. Kat

Happy New Year!

happy-new-year

So I have been thinking a lot about what goals to set for this New Year. Personally and professionally 2016 was a really good year for me and I want to continue on that forward motion for 2017. What are some goals that everyone is working on for the New Year?  I have already started working on my goals and I am so excited for starting off fresh.   I am looking forward to enjoying a prosperous and lesson filled year.  I plan on growing in my faith with my family, pushing my business into a thriving design company and I will do all this by staying persistent in my goals and organized in my thoughts and processes.  2017 will be an amazing year!

So here’s to working hard and hustling to thrive.

Cheers… Kat

The Unlikely Gifts of Depression

i-am-worthyI am a firm believer in spreading love and acceptance of others but most importantly acceptance of oneself, flaws and all. No one is perfect but our society frames this idea of good and perfect and proportionate and happy. But happiness is not based on perfectly measurable things. Happiness is as deep as the ocean and as wide as space and time. There are no measurable units to how we should be happy or how we should feel or look. Let us open our minds and hearts to acceptance of ourselves in all of our imperfections. Let us feel how we feel, look how we look and enjoy the roller coaster journey because it is what shapes us.

I read this article on the Darling Magazine blog and I found myself nodding in agreement and smiling at my computer like a big dummy. I wanted to share these words of explanation and acceptance that are often so hard to realize when you are drowning deep in the waters of doubt and depression.  This quote from the article The Unlikely Gifts of Depression,  says it all… “I have to remember that my path is unique… [and that] my situation is my story.”

Depression isn’t just about being unhappy. It is a blanket, a fog over you. It is a roller coaster of doubt & dismay, of energy & despair, of overthinking & anxiety ridden immobilizing fear, it is draining & tiring & tears & pain and a lot of times it is silent & alone. So that smile you see might be hiding true brokenness. It is not as simple as explaining the difference between happy and sad; it’s the gray area in between. But when you do, when you can find the words to your deep and darks you might find that you are not as alone as you think you are. Share your story because it might open your eyes and the conversation it starts can change hearts. Please realize that this is a part of you and it makes you unique, it makes you interesting, it makes your life colorful and that is a story to tell. Emotions are the color to the blank canvas of life, so show the world your painting.

Please click over to Darling Magazine blog and read on.  I love this blog because it is about various important and fun issues woman are facing now.

Thanks for joining in on my roller coaster creative journey. Sorry I have been MIA, you know, life happened. It’s great to be back.

Cheers… Kat